July 11, 2012

I survived last Saturday's race (barely). The race was close to home in Winnebago, IL. The temp during the race was over 90 degrees... It was HORRIBLE (understatement)!!! I was doing well till the half way point and then the heat just got to me. I started mis-stepping and had to break down and walk/run the rest of the route. I HATE THAT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!!! I really was doing well - had a nice pace and everything! But what can I do? It is better to break down and walk part than end up on the pavement because I have mis-stepped and fallen. My time for the race was HORRIBLE!!! My worse time all season...40:43.. By some odd reason, I actually received 3rd place! I did live! Cooled down immediately and then rested the remainder of the day. I did run the next morning without any problems. Then the fatigue hit on Monday morning. Fatigue is a very odd devil that lives with me... I never know when it is going to "hit". You would think the day after or even that day of something so strenuous would knock me down... No, sometimes it takes a couple of days after a stressful event to hit me full force. It is really very odd. So anyway, on Sunday I ran my new route (in Pec) just fine. In fact, I even over shot my street by a block and added to my distance. The weather the day after the race was ideal, nothing like the day previous. That is all part of the challenge to the races - you never know what the environment is going to be like... This morning, I was back at it. Ran my route from Summit to the fairgrounds and around the grandstand twice, 3.5 miles. That went well. The temperature this morning was wonderful! Now, this weekend I do NOT have any races. I know, very odd, a whole weekend of rest. I will definetely run my route. Maybe if the weather is decent, I can do a double of my route (7 miles). I would leave a water bottle at the end of the driveway. Then I can make sure to hydrate. I am very leery about running out on my long path in this heat without having a "safety net" of being able to come home for water or whatever. Otherwise, I feel like I am managing my MS pretty well at this point. Yes, I do have issues and will always have issues. I have Secondary Progressive MS. That means that my symptoms do NOT GO AWAY AND COME BACK... They are there and I tend to slide slowly downhill. I amazed my MS doc last time I was at UW MS Clinic. He said that, someone with secondary MS was not supposed to be getting better. I attribute it all to the nutrition, exercise, overall outlook, family/friends, ect. I have stated this many times... It all makes a HUGE difference!! One of the nice things when I run besides listening to my music that I like is that I meditate. Now, I know that you are thinking - how can she meditate when running? Yes, I have to be very diligent to my running and the pavement. But I am also have to have a very calm mind. My mind at that time is very peaceful. It HAS to be peaceful or I could not concentrate on my body and the pavement, ect. Some people go and work out or run to vent aggression. I cannot have those types of thoughts when I am running. That would consume my thoughts then I would not be able to be in tune and able to be mindful of the biofeedback. People may think I am really tuned into my music. I am not. The music is nice but it is a tool to help me with pacing. Most of my mind is on me, physically. I know that other runners are probably also working on reading their bodies as they run. But for me, due to the various MS issues (spasms, mis-stepping, muscles that decide not to work, tremors, ect) I have to really concentrate on reading my body 100%. But you know what... that is OK... It has taken me time to learn to do this. I think I have a handle on how to do this. It does not mean that sometimes my body betrays me and goes south, I just have learned how to avoid some of it and what to do when it goes into its own thing. Such as the mis-stepping, usually when my body is really stressed such as high heat... When it starts getting very chronic - I have to walk. I can regain myself and then run again. There is nothing I can do about that. I am not going to give up and say, forget it or feel like a failure. I also need to keep in the front of my mind why I persue this... Yes, to maintain my mobility as long as possible and also I run for everyone with MS who cannot. I always run with my MS hat... I am showing support to the MS community. I am also educating people that not everyone with MS is in a wheelchair. Yes, we still have symptoms and they suck -- but for many of us those symptoms are invisable to others. They do not see the neuropathy pain that is so severe that you are crying in pain, they do not see the MS hug that is squeezing your midriff so hard that you can barely breath, they do not see that your vision is blurry or have double vision, they do not see how you cannot find the words to verbalize, they do not see these things... EVERYONE with MS knows these things are VERY VERY REAL!!! Do they suck? YES!!! But you just have to get up and say to "hell with it" and go do your thing. I REFUSE TO HAVE IT BEAT ME!!! I WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE IT A DAMN GOOD FIGHT!!!! ARE YOU WITH ME???????