August 1, 2012

Last Saturday, was the Belvidere 5K. This was a very informal race meaning it was not officially timed and a bit unorganized. It was there first one so they only had about 30 people. I did OK... Not my best or worst. I could feel that humidity starting in and I did start pacing myself. That may or may not been the wisest thing. I know that I could have gone much faster but, that heat really plays hard on me. I have been battling the fatigue monster for the last couple of weeks. I start to regain and then he pulls me back into his clutches... It is not fun... This week has REALLY been hard with the fatigue... So I thought - maybe back off a bit and just let my body regroup. I have not run since Saturday's race... that is UNHEARD OF for me... to go that long without running... I PRAY that tomorrow morning I can get out there and do a nice long run. That would be excellent! Just because I have not ran doesn't mean that I have not exercised. Sunday, I did take it easy... Monday, I exercised in the pool for and hour and a half and Tuesday, I did TWO exercise classes at the gym (both being very intense). So that is still all very good for cross training... Today, I think I will take it easy... I am fatigued after those two classes last night. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go run tomorrow morning.... I love morning runs - everything is so peaceful and still... It is a very refreshing and tranquil way to begin the day... I miss doing it SO SO terribly!!! I DO HATE THE FATIGUE MONSTER!!!!!! HE IS SUCH A BITCH!!!!! People with chronic fatigue understands these symptoms... but chronic fatigue is very different than just being tired.... Chronic fatigue makes you feel very low... I usually get unusually very quiet when fatigued. This is because talking actually takes energy - energy that I do not have to spare. Fatigue doesn't make you feel like you want to go to sleep it just makes you feel very life-less, very solemn, very unmotivated, and EVERYTHING YOU DO IS WORK.... That means even mundane things like getting dressed or brushing your teeth feels like work... I have had times where after doing those activities I have ACTUALLY HAD TO REST AFTERWARDS.... as if I did go out and run 10 miles... It is THAT DEVASTATELY EXHAUSTING... IT SUCKS!!!! Chronic fatigue is an invisiable symptom but is VERY VERY REAL. Most people with MS have fatigue issues... How do you get past it? You just keep trying to move forward. Sometimes, you just have to have some down time... (I personally HATE down time. I love to go and do things...) Right now, I am working on building myself up to complete the race on Saturday.... I am hoping by giving myself today to build back up. I was starting to feel my energy regaining last evening but after the intense two exercise classes it has fallen back down into the basement. So right now, as much as I would love to go off and do some activities this weekend - I think I better just lay low and try to recoup my energy level. The race this Saturday, is a big one. There are many participants and it is timed. The course is through downtown Freeport so it is all pavement and large buildings. This means that there is little air flow since you are in a commercial area. Right now, the forecast is that is supposed to be in the 80's. I WILL UNLOAD THIS FATIGUE MONSTER OFF MY BACK... It just takes some time - that is something that is very difficult for me. Trying to be patient and let it pass... I see the nice sunny day and WANT to go outside and play... I want to run... So today, I will stay low... and tomorrow - I WILL go out and run some good miles... Then on Saturday, I cannot hold back - I have to go after this race full throttle.... I know that I have held back on the last couple of races... I need to let loose and just go... then after I can just totally chill out and regroup....